


losing my grip in the grey

by Fogdaemon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood and Injury, Blow Jobs, Eren is 20, Feelings, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Injury, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Sharing a Bed, Smut, nearly naked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-29 00:30:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21401188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fogdaemon/pseuds/Fogdaemon
Summary: Eren got himself injured during a Mission and Levi finds himself in a forest, without any plan to escape this situation.With an unconscious boy in his arms.In the last daylight he discovers a shack, and in this, surrounded by darkness and nightmares, his feelings for Eren too.With every breath Levi felt the wall, which uphold his rules, falling.Brick. By. Brick.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	losing my grip in the grey

**Author's Note:**

> So here we are at my first fanfic. First I didn´t like things like that but this story went through my head every time I laid down in the night to find some sleep. I´m german and this also my first work in english. If you find some grammatical failures (oh shit there are some, I know that), please don´t be confused ^^´.
> 
> I hope you can enjoy this as much as I did while writing it.

The wound on his waist was bleeding heavy. The light of the dark forest made a lake of black fuel. One hidden spark and it would explode into a ocean of fire and pain.  
Scraps of memories shot through his head and burned the reality, in where he was riding the horse through the forest, into ashes. How his stupid body had been so fucking close from being mangled by a giant titan. And the reason was the urgent feeling, that Eren couldn't have done it without his strength.  
If the circumstances would be a bit brighter, he might have laughed- because the boy, which was pressed between his arm and chest, was responsible for the fact, that Levi was still alive.  
Breathing.  
Care taking, altough he would like to tear that shit of a feeling apart.  
He hated himself for the thought in his memories, that even that damn brat would die like his comrades back in the past.  
But he saved him.  
And Levi had been so grateful to let Eren get bitten instead of himself.  
He risked a glance over the boys face. His breathing was flat enough to make him believe, he´d lost him. Flat enough to feed the lurking panic under his cold damp skin. His heart was beating in a low rhythm against his chest and he managed to put a finger on his pulse every minute to check is condition. His arms hung loosely on each side of his unconscious body- were moved from the horses fast galop. Levi urged himself to not look down on it anymore. It leaves a bad taste in his mouth and fuck- he hated it with every pour of his body. 

Weakness…

By now he didn´t knew where the horse was guiding them. After the attack, he grabbed Erens body in a wild flash of colours spreading through his eyes, and took the next best horse, which wasn't ran away from the fights in the forest. 

_ Think!_

Yeah, think. How, when you rode through a damn forest with a seriously injured boy in your arms. When the cold wind tried to paralyze your breathing and the horse under your legs got forced to it´s limits!  
Trees over trees, the smell of forest and wind. Wild grasses and clouds. Yes, clouds, which hang ominous over the two of them, covered by the dense foliage. It smelled so fucking bad of rain and lightning to know the storm was coming straight for them.  
He slowly realized, how his well trained face of monotony became cracks, piece by piece. It felt like the castle, he build up around his face and soul, was getting drenched out by the raising feeling of panic and confusion.  
And this he hated the most.  
The hate gave him more willpower to solve the task, to fullfill his mission, to get Jaeger save. But now, he only wanted to bury himself…  
_It isn't a mission someone told you to fulfill_, a voice whispered in his mind and his head spun around. But there was nothing except forest. Trees. And a hallucination of his fear to loose control over his mind. 

_ Now you chosed to help this idiot out of his misery because of what?_

Yeah, of what… The feelings of a men who slowly got a little bit too tired from his own rules.

_ No, not yours…_

It was always a mindgame. 

_ Kill to live._

_ Hate, to be more powerfull. _

_ Hide your feelings so you dont have a weak point. _

His throat vibrated from the laughter, which wanted to burst over his lips like a bullet leaving its course. But if he does so, it would be full of hysteria.  
_ Dont let anyone get too close to you, boy._  
Well done, old man, he thought about Kennys then spoken words. Here we are.  
The horse got captured between a wooden plank and fell, threw Levi out of his saddle with the unconsious brat still between his arm and chest. With a free arm he managed to hurl Erens limb body away. He lost the bodys sight, needed to focus on what´s next. There was a tree in front of him and if he spread out his now free left arm… A pain crushed through the said arm, as he used the tree to redirect his fall. He lost his grip and ended up on the grass, hard enough to broke some rips.  
Seconds flew by and he hadn´t the urge to let them become minutes. He gritted his teeths, a long curse on his lips, as he tested the waters, tensed some muscles and felt the dumb pain in his left shoulder. But it didn't matter. As he stood up, there was also this annoying sting in his left ripcache.  
This didn´t matter too. All what matters, was…  
Rushed he jumped on his feets, ignoring the pain and the fact, that the only way out and real help was passing him buy. With wild hooves and a high neigh. Slowly he scanned the glade. In the near distance was a shack lurking between a few trees and grasses. Some last daylight got reflected in windows and he dared to hope, as his feets took him over to where Eren still laid on the ground. His uniform was soaked from the dew and his wound bled only harder.  
Levi really wanted to laugh now. If he would let go of the reins who held the laugher back, there wouldn't be a chance to became a clear mind as well.  
He removed dirt from Erens face, realized, that he was shaking, and put a ear onto his chest- listening. The panic from a few moments ago, which he wanted to push behind so hardly, was growing into something cruel. And he knew, that he couldnt handle this creature, once it was going to strike it´s roots into his soul. If he… There! 

_ Badumm…. Badumm…._

In his visions he saw that titan again, how Eren kicked his useless body away to save him. A victim for the death of another.  
Levi pressed the stopped breath out of his lungs and earned a sting from his ripcache  
He whispered his name like the sound could safe him from his self destructing mind. To fucking not loose everything in there.

_ Alone. _

In this forest- this world. WIthout any chance to get out alive.  
Nobody knows, where you two are, singsanged the voice in his head and he took a deep breath, before he clenched his jaw and tried to pick the brat up. He hoped, that the effort of Erens large body would gave him a ventil to let his frustration run wild. But, hah! He didn´t even managed to pick him up so it leds to the situation of dragging him with his right arm. He strokes a line through the wet grass and all the wetness soaked into his clothes even more. An affair he needed to deal with later.  
After he reached the shack, creaking and outburned, he managed to enter the door with his foot ahead. As like a miracle, the door didn´t broke into its little pieces so he was able to close it with heavy breathing and a boy behind his back. He allowed himself to lean against the closed wooden door.  
Weakness was such a thing…Either you are able to control it or you loose every entitlement about your body, so it takes what it was entitled to anyway.  
The last thing humanitys strongest saw, before his body went straight to the ground next to Eren, was the steady up and down of his chest. 

_ As long as you breath, you forget to die. _

Eren was dreaming. He guessed, that he was dreaming because his reality was cruel, but it knew how to end things aprubtly- without no doubts. It used death and angst and pain. And his dreams never meant to let this…. merciness happen. They were moving forward until he stares into an all eating darkness and sometimes, there was a glimpse of realization, when he found himself trying to watch through, that the darkness was staring back.  
Right into his eyes.  
Lurking.  
Sometimes, like this night, he was constrained to watch how his world ended up in flames, how he sat on a ground, covered in ashes and still lingering sparkles- and he only could watch.  
Watching…  
How they all die.  
How Levi got eaten from this shit eating titan, altough he had been so damn sure, he´d saved his Captain out of this dull dented maw. To sacrifice himself. And he saw his face again, saw the question which was forming in his eyes.  
This simple why?  
He woke up covered in sweat and the running pulse, high from all the panic and adrenaline, urged him to sat up in a straight position. Two strong hands pushed him back down into the mattress. The room was dark enough to make him believe, that he never opened his eyes. That he would be still there…  
In his nightmares.  
His rattling breath first drowned the words of the men, who bent over ihm, tried keep him in place. And only then he noticed, that he still fought the fight from his dreams, his body pressing into the hands from his opponent.  
„Eren“, his voice said for the fifth time and a simple hit in his sweaty face was enough to let his resistance fall flat. With the hit there was more than realisation, and the pain crushed him like twenty horses. Heavy panting he arched over. His fingers flew over the sting in his hip. As he took his hand back everything was red. Covered in his own blood. A white fabric tried to wipe away everything as good as possible but he still felt the warm mess between his fingers. How could it ever be gone…  
Grey eyes twitched between his and finally Eren understood, that Levi was talking to him the whole time. A litany of never ending words with the try to make him feel save.  
„It was only a dream“, he said with a deep and low voice. „How´re you feeling?“  
His head was laying on something soft and in the corner of his eyes he saw the colour of his training squad. Two jackets, he tried to collect his mind and listened to his pulse, which was slowly getting back into a normal rhythm. The soft matress was drenching the last energy out of his body; it was as dirty and old as the rest of this shack, they were staying in.  
He barely recognized his own voice, replied: „You´re alive…“  
„Thanks to you“, Levi mumbled and fuddled at his hip. „Wasn´t close enough, right…“  
Isn´t a question at all…  
He tried to blink the blur away and focused the captain´s profile, his hands working on the very simple bandage on his hip. With a grunt he managed to rip his shirt into two, now sitting there without any shirt or jacket because his said shirt was just about to be tied around his body to still the blood. He forgot to think as the lingering pain swept over him. He bit back a curse.  
„The fuck you don't heal…?!“ The next question took Eren by surpise, more then he wanted to admit. „What was it in your dream, Eren.“  
It should be known as a question, but didn´t sound like one.  
„I dont know…“  
„Oh shit you know damn well“, he retorted tensed, slowly found back to his verbal kind of beeing. „You whimpered, you had…“  
Eren felt, how Levis fingers stilled over his wound before he finished the bandage and continued his open sentence, lurking over him again. „You whimpered my name, as I would have been the one who got teared apart from those shitty titans.“  
Eren wanted to laugh but his voice choked him off. And the memory in his head smeared ever humour into a red mass.  
„Wasn´t it like that, Captain?“, he asked and gestured with his chin over the injuries and wounds on the captains upper body. They adorned him like colours on a damn white canvas.  
„I should´ve let you die“, Levi hissed and tightened the bandage with a fast tug. „Fucking shit, Eren. Why are you… Why were you so obsessed to get into any titans mawl, as if you were tired of your damn life?!“  
Eren shuddered from the cold air the room was offered him, now after his body didnt tried to run away anymore. And shit, he took it all… The shadow from all the dreams still stuck behind his eyes, the headache was forcing him to close his eyelids again. But as the other darkness stretched out in front of his eyes, he opened them with shock. Because he was afraid…  
„… to see you die again“, he murmured, didn't even noticed the words were thrown back from the walls of the shack.  
Levi was moving and bent over him to catch his eyes. So ridiculously close… Eren could have touched him, skin on skin. He caught himself feeling his fingers completing this silent request.  
„Who do you see dying?“, he asked quietly and Eren believed to hear a whiff of uncertainty in his voice.  
„You.“ The word echoed through the room, between walls and wood, but it didn´t seem to reach Levi, because he was still staring at him, like he would listen to words spoken in delirium. He raised a hand and put it on his forehead.  
„Why don´t you heal“, he asked himself again, ignoring Erens answer, but the boy saw the difference in Levis face as well. Before he could reply something Levi could ignore again, he said shortly: „Sleep. We will stay here until tomorrow. We can find a solution for the shit we are standing in the morning.“  
A weakly smirk crept over Erens lips. He barely noticed how Levi puts something over his upper body. And as he crossed the border of reality after some minutes, he believed to hear Levi say something. But to believe is about to understand.  
„If it hadn´t be you, I´d let you die.“  
Well, humans mind is not designed to understand things, which dont make any sense. 

Levi woke with the feeling of never slept in his whole life. Rain drummed a soothing pulse against the shabby walls and some water found it´s way through the windows frame- gathered under the glass which remained complete despite the weathering after all the time.  
Laying on one side he concentrated on his bruises, but hardly felt them anymore. He reached out his hand behind his back to grasp after Eren. His fingers went over the fabric of his spants and Levi jolts his palm back like he touched hot iron. He cursed and insults himself as an idiot because this brat was standing right under his rank and damn- with this he got the right to do what he want with this useless boy anyway. 

_ And still he went a young men at least._

And this did not happend just a few days ago.  
Sometimes he catched his own thoughts about the boy in training, how he was eyeing him a little longer than the pitiful rest of his group. Maybe it also was because he felt these green glances in his neck, whenever he turned away. 

_ Pure imagination, his mind whispered. _

But that shit-awful heart said something complete different and he- again- called himself a fool.  
So he reached back for the boy and felt skin. Sweaty, hot skin. Trembling. An unsteady rose and fell under jerky breaths.  
Levi needed only a short second to throw himself over Eren. This time he didn´t cry his name, it looked like he was able to stand all the shit, the nightmares are showing him, alone. Levi tended to let him sleep, at least for a short moment. He had to heal…  
He unloosened the bandage to take a look over the red wound, believed to see a little progress which couldn´t be possible on a normal people´s skin. With as much care as he could offer in this moment, he tied the rest of his shirt up- which wasnt easy because the breathings became more violent.  
„Eren“, he said and felt how his senses were betraying him again about what he was meant to be. He shaked his shoulders, but gained a sequence of heavier breaths.  
Like he was running…  
And never arrived.  
Levi grabbed Eren with choppy, painful movements into a straight position. Felt his awakening and pressed him against the wooden facade of the wall. Eren looked at him and yet through, his breath a wild gallop through hidden worlds in which Levi wasn´t allowed to follow. Eren took a grip on his chest, panic flooded his face. Eyes so big and lips unable to form a single word.  
He believed to hear him panting his name again.  
Levi knew attacks like this very well. He saw them every day but people don´t like to talk about it. Maybe to make it more bearable for all the involved victims. Panic attacks are normal at the survey corps. They are in sight. They are human. He rememberd a few things to get along with them. O, he believed to know a fucking lot but what was it all good for, if he couldn´t retrieve his knowlegde yet?  
Eren clenched under his hands, was nailed against the wall by each arm and had still enough strength to make Levi struggle. He perceived at him and tried to hold on his gaze. And Levi, with all the experience and hardness he wore like a second shirt, disintegrated before the boys eyes.  
_All because of you_, he accused him in silence, raised his right hand on his neck, felt the running pulse under his skin and how he slowly hyperventialted. And with this he made a decision. Foreign voices in his head, talking about holding your breath… 

_ But how… _

Levi took the shred of a memory his heart offered him right now. Familiar impressions which he´d previoulsy dissmissed as nonsense and useless disctraction. He leaned in, caught a last confused view from the boy and put his lips on Erens. The following silence weighed heavy. The only thing left was the rain. A stable rustling from water that hit grass.  
He needed all the force of his body to put his hand down, which he´d raised to pull the boy closer to him. He thought about all the shit that wasn´t right in this moment.  
When he broke away from Eren, he was staring at him like Levi had chased a knife between his ribs. And Levi only backed away to put his elbows on his knees- both palms stroking over his tired face.  
„Captain…“, Eren whispered and two fingers, soft like feathers, laid down on his arm.  
Levi fought back the urge to broke them and he hated himself immediatly for this this wish. He didn´t found enough trust in his own voice so he said the following words quiet enough to barely understood them by himself. „You´re feeling better. That was it all about.“  
Erens body radiated so much heat to make him clear, how near he was. „I´m sorry“, he mumbled.  
These words were absurd enough to let him lift his head out of his hands. He watched him through the twilight of the room, needed to see him to understand. „What are you sorry for, Jager?“  
„That I am weak. I threw myself into that titans mawl altough you would have did it without my help. That I….“ He gulped, went still and gulped again. Heavy.  
Levi tilted his head and knitted his brows. „You´re sorry for saving my ass? You´re sorry for us to sit here, in safety, only because you felt the never ending urge to save your team members?“  
Erens eyes shot up immediatly, full with shock and realization, but Levi continued relentlessy.  
„You are sorry for our still breathing bodys? For sitting here together even though we could be dead? Weakness is what you allow yourself to feel, Jaeger. We´re all weak when it comes to the life of our comrades. Nobody is immune against a life without emotions, without loosing a fucking tear. If you weren´t been there in seconds, I wouldn´t be alive either.“  
The word subsided as fast as it came and Eren jerks at the sound of it.  
It seemed like Eren tried to hold his nerves together but when he looked at him again, there was this confusion. He rememberd to saw it only when their eyes got intersect over the last year. And these moments were often enough to make Levi doubt… He dont wanted to give this face a call because he already suspected, what it meant to be.  
„You told me once, that we shouldn´t be forced by your emotions to act irrationally. To save you was a risk I saw myself dying for and the world needs this thing here“, he said with trembling voice and pointed down to where the opfen shirt was hanging loosely from his body. „I should have- according to your norm, let you die. But I saved you.“  
Levi stretched one of his leg with pain-distorted face and leaned back in. „And now you want a gratification?“ Why didn´t he hate him? What else did he have to do to burn those feelings inside him?  
He allows himself to let his eyes slip down to the boys lips, who stared blank to the ground.  
Levi sighed, said toneless: „I want to know what you are really sorry for, Eren.“  
„It doesn´t matter. “ Too fast, only a little bit.  
„It is?“, Levi asked without meaning it. „What are these dreams about which put you into so much panic, Eren.“  
Eren was about to answer but Levi cut him off by saying: „And don't you dare lie to me. I feel it if you even try to do so. Im going to beat the shit out of you, if you even think about it.“  
His opponent leaned his head against the wall behind him and the quietly clonk was the only thing which banished the silence out of this world. As he began to talk, even the rain went silent for a moment.  
„I see you dying. I see it when I close my eyes, the moments at training when I lost sight at you and every evening, when I turn the lights off and move onto one side of my bed…“ He paused, his fingers clenched in the fabric of his pants and Levi only wanted to get closer to him. But if he did, he also could kiss him right now.  
There wouldn´t be a difference at all.  
Erens eyes shot through the room as if he could find the words for an answer somewhere between the twilight, to tell Levi what was going on in his mind. Eventually he found his way back into his eyes and that fucking brat managed to put something into his stare, that makes Levi feel small. Insignificant and useless. 

He. Humanitys Strongest. 

He hid the wrinkles from his lips behind one fist.  
„I feel something, when I look at you. It isnt the same with Mikasa or Armin. Even Jean is here“, he reached for his naked chest and these long, shaking fingers betrayed his calm voice. „Something… it feels like love for a family member. Pure love and the want to protect them with everything I have. But…“, he exhaled hesitantly, in and out; Levi braced himself for the next panic attack. „But not with you. I mean, when I look at you, it is like there´s something, that branches, the more I think about you. The more I think about this thing, which I can´t explain, the livelier it gets. The first time I saw you back there as a child, I was so stupidly young, I felt admiration- for the men who kept the titans behind the walls. A few years ago, when you got me into your squad, together with my last family members, I felt attraction…“  
Now it was Levis turn to gulp, but he didn´t dare to take his eyes off him. With a difficult controlled stern voice, he said: „Im twice your age.“  
But Eren didn´t keep off. „But I think, I knew what it was to be the one afternoon, days ago, when I found you taking a walk on the backside of our ground. There was something in your face, something different and hard to tell, and I remember beeing awake half of the night to find out, what the hell it was that makes me feel restless. It came to my mind when one of my nightmares ripped me out of sleep.“ Eren was holding Levis glare captured, altough he felt his face and facade fall into pieces.  
„There was worry about your comrades. Worry about your family you build up yourself and on which you didn´t wanted to bond yourself- and yet you did. Because after this day we just escaped a hord of titans. I was hardly enjured and two from the other got some broken legs and arms. This was the point which brought the barrel to overflowing. The one I tried so hard to cram so it couldn´t less than keep tight. But… I dont want to hide it anymore, Levi. I cant…“  
Levi opened his mouth one time, a second but only to shut up completley without saying anything. He felt the desire to let him know, that he wanted to kiss him, that he wanted to keep his barrel tight.  
„I´m twice your age, Jaeger.“  
And this was it: his excuse for the trash inside his mind. For situations like that. For moments in which he too stayed awaike in the cold night, trying to restrain the heat in the middle of his body. Heat that emanated from his thoughts.  
Eren broke away from the wooden facade with a jerk and Levis eyes had trouble to follow his movements. Suddenly he was sitting right in front of him, between the hurting leg and the angled one. „I dont care.“  
Levi made a provoking noise and tried to hold on the last wisp of his almost gone facade of an arrogant captain the people were scared of. „You saved me, I´m fucking gratefull and I helped you out of your panic shit. So, thats all. And it won´t be more.“  
„Not even though you want it?“, he asked, close enough for Levi to make him force the straight look into his green eyes.  
„You fucking don´t know what I want“, he replied toneless between knittet, barley moving teeth.  
„I don´t care your age“, Eren continued. „I wasn´t getting lost in the circumstances you gave me, but in this“, he raised one hand and placed it under his chest, where the bruises were dark and deep. Soft, to not hurt him.  
Levi snorted amused. „Yeah, in a depraved heart. I once kicked your face with the help of your beloved part of me.“ He hoped, that if he looked up, to find some horror in the boys eyes.  
But he smiled and said: „Means for purpose.“ The touch ghosted over his white skin, he felt it in more then his chest. Feather light fingertips flying over muscles, higher … reaching his neck, lingering over his traitening pulse. And he should have done something about it, he should have prevent his hands from holding his face gentle.  
His voice wasn't more then a whisper. „I lost myself in this…“ his fingers found the wrinkle between his eyes. „The same expression… Worry, Confusion. Humanity.“  
The distance was near enough for Erens breath to wander over Levis face. „Eren…“ Don´t…, he was about to say but didn´t, because he wanted it. He wanted the boy, although his age. He wanted to free all the buried feelings inside him, wanted to feel all the words Eren said with so much gentleness.  
_Because you´ve never loved someone in this kind of a feeling_, the voice whispered again in his head. Who knows, if love didn´t felt like that…  
Erens thumb discovered his face with slow motions, like he wanted to prolong this whole situation- leaning further in. „I couldn´t stop to look at you“, he murmured. „I want this to end with how me loving you without grieving myself later because I´ve never tried.“  
„This world isn´t made for the acceptance of love. You can´t love someone you dont know.“  
_…can´t love someone should hate_.  
Erens thumb brushed soft against his eyebrow, past his cheekbones. „You want to make me feel to hate you…“ he said quiet enough, Levi had to stop himself from leaning in. His finger touched his lips, so tender to make him shudder. „But you can beat me, you can trash the shit out of me, hate me and you can make me realize how useless I am…“  
Levi cursed and grabbed Erens hand between his fist- hard. He ignored the hurt which shot through his green eyes as he collides with his body, -despite any pain-, against the wall, kissing him.  
It felt like homecoming.  
Crouched between Erens legs, defied the pain of his left ribcage and holding his hand almost painfull between his own. It doesn´t took Eren two seconds before he responded to the kiss. He straightened up a bit, got a loose on Levis grip and took a hold on his back, to reduce the last distance from their bodys. Levis fingers found a way under his open shirt, cold fingertips flying over hot, -from the now forgotten panic-, wet skin. With every breath Levi felt the wall, which uphold his rules, falling. 

Brick. By. Brick. 

Erens throat escaped a moan, when Levi groped his nipple, dranking it hungry. Every damn breath, every heartbeat. He felt him like a fucking second heart and realized: it has been like that over the last year.  
Everyday.  
With every thought.  
Levi pushed himself up on his knees, now towering over him, kissing him without thinking about it. He clasped the boys neck, stroking his damp hairs and bif his bottom lip, until Eren was panting- because of him.  
And not a fucking nightmare.  
He pressed his bruised chest against Eren only to feel the pain even more. Because this was the best proof to be alive. The best proof for what happened right now.  
Eren reacts of every touch with the opposite, never let a opportunity fall behind to not discover his body. He felt his hurtened chest, the muscles under firm skin and fuck- he moaned again as Levi opened his lips to push his tongue in his mouth.  
He shouldn´t feel like that. He shouldn´t enjoy it that much. He cursed internally, damned his weakness about the boy and still loved the feeling of Erens strong arms, how he took him on his hip to make them both lay down on the matress. Eren nestled closer to him and Levi was going to explode, if he´d keep that pace. There was so much sensation… The shirt hang loosely aroung his shoulders, bare skin stroking over his. Levi let his hand wander over Erens still clothed leg and felt the heat between their bodys, hard and straining, buldging out of his pants. He should had shied away from him, should have hit or punch him unconscious, but he only rolled his hip against Erens, until the friction let them both breath any harder.  
Eren covered his face and kissed him hard, all teeth and tongues. Hot enough to make Levi panting in response. The boys lips twitched into a grin but before Levi could have bite him back, Eren pressed their members into each other again and now it was Erens turn to drink his helpless breath greedy.  
They got lost in their motions, Eren eventually found a way under Levis lower back to let him meet every roll of his hip with more intensity. Levi wrapped a leg around him, tilted his head and opened his lips again until he was the one, who controled the situation.  
At least there was the bloody wetness of Erens wound who ripped Levi out of the trance Eren occupied him. As he saw, how the blood leaked through the bandage, he forced himself to shove Eren away.  
Heavily panting and tightly pressed together, Eren looked down to him. Levi searched after a sign of pain or weakness in his face, but the euphoria seemed to numb any good sense and so it was up to him, to postpone the thing, which was bulding up between them explosively.  
„You´re bleeding“, Levi whispered, Erens lips close enough, to make them touch while saying it. Eren only nodded absent and stroked a strand out of his face. A fine smile underlined the sudden exhaustion on his face. „That´s worth it to me.“  
„Idiot“, Levi grumbeld and both of them hissed, as their buldges unintentionally rubbed against each other. With a low curse he freed himself from under Erens body and rolled him over, so he could easily change the bandage.  
He felt Erens eyes on every motion he did. He wrapped the last remnant of his shirt around his waist, saying quietly: „You must sleep, Eren. You need to heal until we leave tomorrow.“  
Eren took a deep breath between his teeth and replied tired: „Are you still here, when I wake up?“  
Levi shot him a sceptical look but the boys eyes were already closed.  
„Shit“, he mumbled, seeking a place next to him. As he believed, Eren was far away enough in his dreams, he by himself closed his eyes and answered softly: „I am not going to leave your side.“  
Warm arms embraced his body, managed with last energy to place Levi against his chest.  
The last thing Levi thought about, as sleep almost crawled over his mind, was the rain who wouldn't send any cruel pictures in his head. 

The cold air shaked him awake, was touching his body with cold fingers. He only needed a short view out of the window to find pure darkness. And between all those shadows, there was a full moon. Clouds were crowding further, tried to turn that last light into shadows too. It wasn't later then midnight.  
A shudder moved his mind into action and he pulled one arm from under his captains head away. Levi immediatly stiffened and turned around in a split second. Sleepy, dark eyes were wide with shock, ready to rip everything apart that moved. As he registered Eren, he let out a small breath and turned around completly.  
„The fuck you cant sleep through, brat?“, he asked with a rough voice and placed his head on Erens shoulder. The shudder answered the captains question.  
They exchanged a look, darkness between them sparse enough to see the small wrinkles at the corner of his captains mouth. „I´m sorry“, Eren whispered. „I don´t wanted to wake you but the jacket…“ He gestured under his head, was going to prop up on his elbows and collapsed under the pain his wound shot through his mind.  
„Yeah, I see“, Levi murmured and leaned over him. He don't grabbed the jackets under his head, but launged with a wide gesture after something behind his back. „I found some blankets back a few hours ago, after you dreamed so nicely your shitty dreams.  
Levis upper body was still without a shirt. Eren couldn´t do something else then stare at his neck. How the sinew stretched under his skin for effort, ending at his collarbone. Warmth crept through his body, storing in a place which was still hard from sleep. With Levi now leaned fully over his chest he felt the same at him, which was enough to let him still every movement. He took a glance down, clearing his throat. „Now it´s my turn to say sorry.“  
But everything Eren heard was the swoosh of his blood, when his lips touched the now visible pulse on Levis neck. Levi said his name, urgently, and for a second Eren believed, he would shove him away again to find the sleep they need. Instead his body lost every resistance against his touch, the building heat and the noises from Erens teeth scratching over his skin.  
The blankets fell out of his hand.  
„Eren…“  
O he loved how his name sounded from the mens tongue and he wanted to know, how it would be to hear him moaning it. Goaded from this he shoved his hands up Levis back, gave him a last chance to change his mind, to escape this situation. But the moment his lips cared for the lips of his Captain, it was Levis turn to press his still don´t recovered body over Erens.  
Taking, what he was starving for.  
Eren sighed of the feeling from how Levi took his upper lip into his mouth- sucking while Eren brought his own hand slowly down his back. Hesitantly he pushed them further under his pants, squeezing the flesh there, elicited Levi a hissing „Shit“ who kissed him even harder.  
Levi pressed a leg between his Erens and massaged the hardness in Erens pants, until the breath under the younger mens chest was getting pressed out in gasping thrusts. He whispered his name, wanted more- so much more.  
As Eren mouthed at Levis neck again, the captain said with raw voice: „We can´t do this now, Eren…“ He, too, trembled under Erens touch. Reacts how Eren wanted him to do because his hands were still covered in his pants, caressing his ass with squashing fingers.  
He ignored Levis words, kissed the sensitive spot under his ear until black hair covered his face. He shoved his right hand toward Levis middle, over edgy hipbones and muscles until he crawled back under the material of his spants, which desperates them from each other, to feel him. With a gasp Levi grabbed his wrist und forced him to look right into his eyes.  
„Shit, Eren…“ He took a deep breath and Eren had his worrys to keep back the wild grin which tried to find a form on his face. Levis grey eyes dark and his pupils blowing wide. He saw his wanting like Eren felt it by himself. „It would be irresponsible to let you bleed again because of our… feelings. You need to heal.“  
There was a short second where Eren found his inner kid back, as he tried to catch Levis lips with his own and he quickly withdrew from his try. „Levi…please.“  
Levi tilted his head, half indicated the _no_ and released his grip around Erens wrist. „It would be irresponsible…“, he murmured and his gaze didn´t told the same.  
Eren let ghost his fingertips over Levis hard one again. Over wet, smooth skin, surround from the heat of the moment. He saw Levi biting his lip, renewing the grip. He felt how Levi lead him into his pants. Slow, hesitant, until he kissed him again. Soft and full of tenderness and depth. A depth Eren wouldn´t have seized in his darkest dreams. There was something fragil about the way Levis lips carressed Erens, how the hand around his grip now was stroking over his chest. Over his nipples. Eren sighed and grabbed the button that held his pants together.  
„Why´d you want this that much, Eren?“, Levi whispered, bites tender in the skin over his collarbone, watching him through half lidded eyes.  
„The same reason as you want it“, he answered only to see what his reason would be.  
Levi smiles a sharp smile. It makes him look like the fearable creature he was. „What if I only want to test the waters. Only one time. Without feelings. Without caress. I could-“  
Eren interrupted him with the slender motion of his fingers, who opens rapidly his pants. He used the moment to whisper: „Do what you think is right for you, Captain.“  
Levi waved an eyebrow at the sound of that last word. Spoken with muckery. He wanted to punch him in the face very bad right now.  
„You think I am that kind of a person? Jump into everyones bed? For what- pleasure?“  
„I think you are human. You can love but you lost so much, that you won´t allow yourself to open this door in your soul again.“ Erens hand flew up to Levis face, drew his thumb over the cool skin of his cheek. His opponent exhaled flatly and leans into the touch, closing his eyes and his whisper was nothing more than a tender breath of the wind from outside this shack. „You could die tomorrow. And I´ll hate myself for letting this happen…“ His eyes found Eren and he fixed his eyes with so much intensity, Eren wanted hold him tight and never let go. „I would stay behind and I´ll regret my weakness with you… here. To like you more then its even possible.“  
Eren didn´t know, how he handled to hold that door closed for so long. It should had explode already from the pressure of it. „I am not going to die.“  
Levis lips moved into a cruel smile. „You will die, like all of us, Jaeger.“  
Eren closed the distance between their faces wide enough, to bring their noses together. Soft and tender, until he got a hint of the taste from Levis lips. „If I will die, you´ll never find out how it felt like… To let got…“ Levis lips twitched over his. „To let it happen.“  
„Let it happen…“, Levi whispered upsent and stroked his nipple again, earning a deep inhale from Eren.  
„To love me… Levi.“ He kissed him, more like a gentle pulse, without wanting and depth. „Every night I fucking see you dying and it makes me feel to even love you more. Always more…“ One hand on the back of his Captain was touching grobing over all the scarfs, making Levi shudder.  
„And how it feels like to see my dying?“, Levi asked carefull, while his fingers were wandering from Eren chest lower, passing the wound.  
Something in Erens glare must have changed, because Levi stilled in every motion. After some toughtfull seconds, he said with a covered voice: „There is that question, why I didn´t did this sooner…“ He gestured between Levi and himself and without knowing, what it was to make Levi grab his erection, covered with his pants.  
„Promise me to not die, brat“, Levi said, biting on his lip while his hand exercised some pressure.  
„Shit, no“, Eren growled and pulled him over, ignores the stinges on his side.  
Eren opened his spants slowly, touching the hard skin over the hair around his length. Everything muscles and hardness, and Levi drank his breath and believed it could be the last. He mumbled his name, kissed him urgend, partial sloppy. Levi grabbed Erens arms, and moaned right into his face as Eren gave his now free length an experimental stroke.  
Eren cursed a low: „Shit“, and felt Levis fingers on his pants too. But he acted with more pressure, moved his hand up and down. He squeezed the hard flesh and smeared the precum with soft pressure over the tip of his erection. And he loved the view Levi gave him. How his hands weren´t even able to gave him all the things, Eren did for him, back.  
Half lidded eyes, heavy and dark, full of lust and red swollen lips. He bites his lip as Eren plucks the hair around his cock. His forehead was sweaty and his eyebrows knitted. Eren chuckled at this sight, let one hand kneading his sensitive inner thighs.  
„Eren…“  
The boy shoved his body over him, placed his hips against Levis. The captain took a short breath, the moment their lengths were touching. With a roll of his hips he created enough friction between the both of them, to let them both moan in lust.  
Levi tried to get the control of his breathings back, tried to stifle his moans- in Erens hairs, shoulders. He bit his shoulder to worm out these delicate noises from the younger men.  
„Fucking tease“, he mumbled the moment Eren pressed their groins together.  
„I wanted this for so long“, Eren whispered back. He straightened up and forced Levi back into the matress. „There weren´t always nightmares…“ With these words he sucked Levis upper lip between his teeths, brought a leg between Levis spreading his legs. He kissed his way down his neck, past his pulse, biting into his shoulder. Muscles worked under his tongue, as Levi lifts his back up to meet him, his hands pressing the boy against him.  
Eren nibbled at one of his nipple with sharp teeths and earned a hiss from him the more urgend he got. Levi found his hairs and pressed him down his chest… suddenly retreating with a fierceness, as if they catched fire.  
Eren looked up in his widened eyes. „What is it? Should I stop?“ He pushed himself up at eye level and kissed his nose. Levis eyebrows twitched from that touch, which felt more intimate then all the other stuff they´d already done.  
His eyes fluttered between Erens until he said quiet: „Have you done anything like that before?“  
Eren frowned, his heart was beating hard enough against Levis chest to make him wonder, how he was even able to think clearly and the touch of their both hardened lenghts shouldn´t make it any better. The younger mens eyes went empty and he provoked another roll of his hips. Levi forced him to hold still, saying: „Please, tell you´ve at least…“ He bit his lips and Eren followed this movement with open mouth.  
Shit, he wanted to take him senseless.  
He wanted to feel all the forgotten things, all the shit he needed to cover up his mind of countless missions and orders.  
„No… never“, the brat answered and Levi felt how his heart missed a heartbeat for a second, felt Erens fingertips in his hairs. He didn´t knew how to deal with so much love, how to act when he was wanted. He knew the feeling of lust, the pressure in the middle of his body but this… wasn´t the same. And that he was going to loose his innocence on him didn´t made this better.  
„Tell me… tell me at least you kissed someone before, Eren“, he whispered and couldn´t resist to kiss his reddened lips. His own probably didn´t look better. And Eren shaked his head, which made Levi shut his eyes to hide the despair.  
„It was always you“, he said with passion, moving his hips again. „I said, I hadn´t always nightmares… The first I used to think of, after I got ripped out of my sleep, was you.“  
That made him open his eyes and he managed to ignore Erens cock as good as possible. „What was it about? What did you think of?“  
Eren hesitated, stopped with every motion and placed his arms next to Levis head to support himself. „Much…“  
Levi felt a dirty, never accepted, grin on his lips which was irritating. Because it also felt strange to show his inner feelings to someone other than himself. „What was it about, Eren. Tell me.“  
„I dont want to, it´s… it´s embarressing“, he said with a shy smile and tried to hide his face in Levis neck. But the captain kept him where he was, kissing along his jawline. He always got what he wanted. And now he wanted to know what a young brat like Eren thought about him in the fucking night. Eren melted into his lips, his ragged breath ghosted over his ear and turned him on more and more. He didn´t knew how long he could let Eren control this situation. But he also wanted… to take this slow.  
Even if this means to feel how his patience snaps.  
„Tell me“, he breathed into Erens ear and felt him shuddering. He bends his leg and moved it over Erens ass, pushed him down to raise the friction. „Eren…“ He puts as much erotic in this name as possible. Much enough to hear his knuckles crack as he clenched his fists.  
„Shit“, he mumbeld. „I see you on me, between my legs, kissing me senseless. I see you taking everything from me, everything you want. In my imagination you take control because I never had the intend to do so.“ He raised his head and looked him straight into the eyes. Levi breathed in and restrained the impulse to throw him over on matress. Only a little bit longer. He wanted to know every single detail to give him the things he imagined. 

_ O, he would. _

„What else“, he asked, saw how Eren lost himself into the pressure Levi was giving them through his leg. „What else, Eren…“  
Through closed eyes, he said, „Shit… I… I see you taking me slow and tender. I hear us groaning, feel your bites over my skin, some are bloody, others are slight. But all what you do gets me over the fucking edge… Levi, please…“  
That was all he needed to hear.  
With a fast motion, and a sting in his still hurtening shoulder, he threw them around. „Do you want your dreams to come true, Jaeger?“, he asked from above, straddling his hips, staring into Erens eyes, which were based on his cock, which lurked out of his pants. It took him visibly much effort to get rid from that sight.  
„I only want you. It doesn´t matter how you do it… I only want you, Levi.“  
There wasn´t a single person before who said his name with so much love. With enough emotions that touched his dull heart, leads straight into his eyes, until they were burning from all the never cried tears.  
_And the last rule, Levi Ackermann, is really easy to understand: dont cry, no matter what happens…_  
Well, he didn´t need to play for the rules now.  
_Or ever again_.  
The truth about Levi Ackermann, Humanitys strongest and a men, who was going to break every rule he´d imposed to himself was: he fucking didn´t knew, what to do next, because Eren was his first too. The first man he was attracted to. There were women, but not one male.  
Eren broke the spiral of his thoughts, said rough: „I want you.“  
But he was sure how to fix a missing sexual lesson like that.  
And Levi was going to give him what he was asked for.  
He grabbed his face with both of his hands and lifted his chin, discovered the now presented neck with tender bites. Every single one was coaxing a noise out of Eren, which made Levis erection twitch painfully. He found the place under his jawline, buried his teeth deep in his skin, earned a hiss and finally made his way to his lips, which took every touch eagerly in. Eren hadn´t much space with Levis hands around his neck so Levi pressed him down into the matress, before he sucked on his chin. He let go of his grip and felt Erens intention to hold him in place, but Levi dived under his greedy fingers and pulled at his spants. With a harsh tug they went down his knees. He risked a last glance at Eren, maybe to find some sparkle in his eyes for him to say this aint be good.  
Well, there wasn´t much blood in his brain either.  
So he only nodded.  
And Levi went on.  
He touched his length slowly, caressing the tip with his tongue. It was only a simple touch to get a feeling about it, to dispel his uncertainity, but it was enough for Eren. A moan bursted out of his mouth- and Levi never heard someone moaning like this from his actions. And, shit, it made him feel so fucking powerful. He cursed one last time, until he finally wrapped his mouth around Erens length, licking and sucking. It felt weird but there was something in the taste of his cock… How he twitched in his mouth, as he began to suck while Eren was meeting him with soft thrusts. He used one palm to force his hips down because the boy made him gag with his greed to feel more and more. He was lost in the pleasure Levi gave him with his tongue.  
He was so hot. Hot enough to set the both of them aflame.  
As if he wouln´t already be.  
At least he used his other hand to meet every suck with a pump of his fist. He scraped his teeth over his head, light and carefull, and Eren moaned even harder. The boy fisted his hairs mostly painful, and it leads straight into Levis sobbing member. He thought about touching him by himself for one moment… but he wanted to know how Eren felt on his length after all this time.  
After all this waiting.  
Dreaming.  
Drowning.  
His lust distracted him so much, that Erens words were almost lost in his intoxication.  
„Levi, I´m…“  
The grib in his hair tightened, tried to pull him up. But Levi stayed his ground, sucking even harder, nearly violent. He don´t wanted to have real sex with him in this shitty shack and this would be enough for the both of them to satisfy their feelings until they got home. On a real bed and without all the fucking dirt on the ground.  
Eren cursed and exploded into his mouth. Hot semen flooded his throat, it felt strange but Levi swallowed it all.  
And instead of driving down after his orgasm, he dragged Levi up to kiss him. He rapidly put his tongue into Levis mouth, who whimpered when his still hard cock brushed Erens skin. It didn´t took Eren long to force his Captain over the edge too.  
He grabbed his cock and pumped him with fast strokes. Now it was Levis turn to moan and he released his pressure by biting him in the neck. Erens „Shit“, went silent under Levis groan, when the orgasm hit him too. He managed to turn his body away from Eren so the mess wouldn´t hit him right onto his belly.  
Shit, it really was a long time, since he came the last time.  
He collapsed on Eren whose arms immediatly hold him tight, absently stroking his back and the hairline of his neck.  
„I hope this wasn´t disappointing“, Levi whisperd, suddenly drained.  
He heard the wide smile in Erens voice, as the boy answered: „You couldn´t.“ He yawned and snuggled as close as possible into Levis hot body. „I wish we could stay here forever.“  
Levi gave him a kiss, just a soft touch of lips. Too exhausted to move more. „I wish we could have had a bed…“  
„We will.“ Eren sounds far away and Levi didn´t hesitated to follow him this time.  
Through dreams and hidden worlds.  
Through Erens dreams.  
And his hidden worlds.


End file.
